“This two part series explores the key differences between the dating game a decade and more ago, and the dating behaviors of the millennial teenagers.”

Introduction to Teen Dating Help for Today’s Parent

In my previous article post on teen dating help for parents today, I began exploring some of the key differences between the dating landscapes now and when we, as parents, were kids. The first two important changes discussed were (1) teenagers meet and hangout in groups rather than going on one-on-one dates, and (2) the temptation to pursue a physical relationship in the afternoon (after school and before you get home from work) more so than the evening or nighttime. Teens are often revved up and heading down a dangerous road. In this article, the second and final installment of this teen dating help series, I shall discuss some of the other key shifts in the dating terrain. The goal is to equip parents with a more current understanding of the ‘dating game’ so that they can provide more appropriate and useful teen dating help to their children on their journey in life and future love.

Parenting Teens: Teen Dating Help for the 21st Century

3. Teen Dating Help: Kids make dates and communicate by cell phones

Remember when your teen date would show up at your front door to pick you up in the ’67 Chevy? How awkward it was for him to meet your parents for the first time? Well, as awkward as that might have felt, it reinforces a feeling of responsibility in dating. It also gives those that are parenting teens the opportunity to see what kind of partner their daughter is steering toward. Now, cell phones enable teens to communicate and interact discretely; entirely away from their parent’s eyes and ears. It’s not uncommon for a boyfriend to call from the driveway, texting their date that they have arrived to pick them up, rather than knocking on the door and introducing himself to her parents! The best teen dating help you can provide your daughter with is to insist that all dates show up at the door. Yep, use those boney knuckles to knock and wait for the door to open. Face to face with the enforcer of the home who has every right to lay down the law regarding the sweet young lady about to step across the threshold of infatuation. This teen dating help is a two-way street: parents of boys should teach their sons to behave like gentlemen and brave the awkwardness to demonstrate their character to their date and her parents. (First the front door—then the car door.) Teen guys should open the car door for their date, not because she can’t but because it shows respect.

This “detachment” is not the only problem cell phones cause. They facilitate constant communication, an artificial sense of relationship that can take the place of the necessary face-to-face conversation. So, when teens do get together, they skip straight to physical exploration. Those parenting teens would be shocked to learn how many kids use cell phones for key communications, such as asking a girl or guy out, or even as a means to deliver break up messages! My guess is that teens would rather drive a real car than a simulation game. If they want a real relationship, then trust this teen dating help: nothing beats face-to-face. “Gee, Betty, I can see by your text message your hair looks really pretty today!” “Golly, Jeffrey, I’m sure glad I can’t see you playing Xbox while we are having this heart-to-heart texting about our future goals and dreams!” Cell phones also accelerate news about parties and other social gatherings, which can distract teens from schoolwork, family time and planning for their future. The best teen dating help those parenting teens can provide is to regulate the use of cell phones. Here are some suggestions you may find helpful in creating guidelines that keep teens between the lines:

*Teen Dating Help # 1: Determine an appropriate time to end all calls on weeknights as well as weekends. After that agreed time, phone batteries are charged in the parent’s bedroom to promote a full night of sleep…for everyone!

*Teen Dating Help # 2: Family plan means you get to pay the bill AND check the bill for use. If they want privacy, then private pay comes with that privilege. If you’re parenting teens, then determine in advance if that is the best course of action for your son or daughter based on trust and maturity. Rule of thumb, if they are paying for their car, gas and insurance, they are probably ready to pay their own cell phone bill.

*Teen Dating Help # 3: Get three to five of your child’s friends’ phone numbers (both home and cell phone) for emergencies. Stuff happens and it is peace of mind for everyone to know how to reach a family member.

Cell phones allow for incredible freedom and while you don’t want your teen to feel like they are locked in the garage, they need to respect your authority. The best teen dating help is to allow your children enough freedom to grow and explore, but to strongly enforce rules that will keep them out of trouble. That is why there are “rules of the road!”

4. Teen Dating Help for Those Parenting Teens: Online Dating

The last bit of teen dating help, but certainly not the least – Instead of meeting people face-to-face and deciding, via social interaction, whether a guy or girl is compatible with them, your teens are meeting potential dates online. Those parenting teens can no more keep their kids from shopping for friends online anymore that they can keep them from shopping for cars online. It’s like nailing Jell-O to a tree! The dangers of online dating and socializing may be obvious to those parenting teens, but your kids may be completely naïve. The best teen dating help you can provide your kids with is to insist that they set their social media profile settings (for Facebook, MySpace, etc.) to private and to ignore the advances of people they do not know outside of school or their immediate friendship circles. Trust this teen dating help: the keys to the car are like the passwords to Facebook. Give both or don’t give either. They can be equally as dangerous. Also, keep the computer communal, so that your teen is accustomed to using it where you can see what they’re up to.

Some Final Teen Dating Help for Those Parenting Teens

Remember, with love, support and trust, you can teach your teen to be responsible and to make the best decisions. While the dating landscape has changed considerably, and – with the dominant role of cell phones and the Internet as today’s form of communication – teen dating can prove to be more hazardous, but there are things that those parenting teens can do to steer their kids away from the worst of it.

I hope this teen dating help helps you teach your teens to “date defensively, navigate safely and steer clear of unhealthy relationships!”

"This article discusses the safety concerns in dating and using restraint to keep teens safe."

Parenting teens in the 1970’s was a whole different concept. For instance, my parents never told me to wear a seatbelt; I’m not even sure if we had them in our station wagon! Seatbelts and bike helmets were a joke when I was in high school and certainly not cool to wear.Parenting teens through the risk-taking years was probably far more challenging than my parents realized at the time.

The invention of the seatbelt got me thinking about restraints in general and how parenting teens is impacted by the ability to keep teens safe. Teen dating advice may not come in the form of a 3-point harness and a buckle, but there is some wisdom that can be applied to help keep teens from tragic mistakes.

A seatbelt is used to limit mobility and hold a person in place. Forcing a 30-year-old to “buckle up” when he has never worn a seatbelt before is much more difficult than implementing the use of seatbelts from a very early age. Today, even some of the most defiant teens will get in the car and put on their seatbelt without even thinking about it. This exercise began as an infant and now has become a subconscious discipline every time they get in the car. Doesn’t it make sense then to practice healthy teen dating advice and limits well before there is a struggle? Cribs have bars, yards have fences and seatbelts keep our children from climbing over the front seat while we are driving down the freeway. These are clearly safe practices. Parenting teens by using intangible restraints is much harder to enforce but equally as vital.

Parental controls on the computer, charging your son’s cell phone in your bedroom instead of his and limiting the amount of time they can talk on the phone may invite pushback at first but the earlier you implement and enforce the rules, the sooner it will become a habit. Go through the mental checklist you currently use when parenting teens and see what restraints you have imposed – especially when it comes to teen dating advice. “Jenna, I would really appreciate if Jake could bring you home by 10 but I understand if you don’t feel like it. Oh, and by the way, you don’t have to wear your seatbelt in his car either if it is too restrictive.”

Parenting teens holds a great deal of responsibility not only to your own child but the other person your teen will date one day. If your teen is not accustomed to limits, they will likely rebel against any rules and gravitate to others that support their self-indulgence.

Seatbelts are meant to keep people safe, not wrinkle their clothes. Seatbelt laws are enforced by authorities. Teen dating advice is meant to help kids keep from fatal disasters, not dictate what they can wear on a date. Teen dating limits should be enforced by parents. Evaluate the boundaries you have in place and determine whether or not there needs to be an adjustment. Understanding the difference between a good restraint and a frivolous request will make life much simpler for those parenting teens.

Send me your thoughts on this story!

Remember – safe teen dating does not happen by accident!

Lisa Jander – The Teen Whisperer

In the book Dater’s Ed, Lisa Jander, the Teen-Whisperer, helps parents teach their teenagers to learn how to “date defensively, navigate safely and steer clear of unhealthy relationships.” www.DatersEd.com

"I hope she makes it home safely. It’s snowing and the roads are covered with ice. She isn’t a very experienced driver at 17 but I still let her journey out into the tundra praying she wouldn’t hit a sheet of black ice that looks like dry pavement. Am I nuts?!" Those were my thoughts two years ago when we lived in Michigan and my daughter was just learning to drive. Scary times. Had I explained to my daughter how to respond to a skid? Should she turn the wheel with the skid or against it? Was this covered in Driver’s Ed or is it simply “learn as you go?”

Providing Teen Dating Advice: Saving Lives

How do those parenting teens teach their kids everything there is to know about driving conditions and dating relationships? Both roads lead to hazardous situations that we can’t predict. Both driving and dating can go from safe to scary in 7 seconds flat. Will my daughter be able to use her head to avoid disaster or will she be frozen with fear? Without the right teen dating advice, will my son recognize that he is accelerating at a dangerous speed and know to slow down?

Just because those who are parenting teens aren’t sitting in the seat beside our kids doesn’t mean we stop instructing them on driving conditions. How often then should we be providing teen dating advice and addressing the manner in which our teens are handling their relationships?

My daughter may have passed Driver’s Ed but every day represents another test; another challenge. Maybe I have drilled “cautious dating” into her head a thousand times with my endless teen dating advice, but every day will be a new opportunity for her to get that right or wrong. Weather and traffic conditions prompt us to remind our teens to be safe on the roads every single day. How often do we evaluate our teen’s relationship safety and recognize that dry pavement could be black ice? Does your teen know how to avoid a catastrophic skid? Just like a proper driver’s education, the right teen dating advice could save your kid’s life!

Teen Dating Advice: Fundamental Tips for Those Parenting Teens

Here are some helpful tips for Teen Dating Advice that I have developed with my own kids, some of which have saved us from many of those midnight phone calls we all dread!

Teen Dating Advice #1: When your kids go out with friends or out on a date, save at least two other numbers into your phone and their phone in case of an emergency. Who are they out with? Do you have the parents’ numbers as well as the students’?  

Teen Dating Advice #2: Get the address of your kid’s destination. My rule? If your physical address changes, you need to call me before you put the car in ‘drive’. If I don’t know, you don’t go!  

Teen Dating Advice #3: Girls should ALWAYS have a phone charger in their purse. Guys and girls should also have one in the car with a hands-free device for emergencies only.  

Teen Dating Advice #4: Have an emergency code for help that will enable your teen to let you know they are in a difficult spot without arousing suspicion from the person they are with. This could be anything, for example: “Is the dog feeling better?” In keeping with teen dating advice point #2, you should have their address, allowing you to come to the rescue at turbo speeds!

 Teen Dating Advice #5: Those parenting teens should give their kids permission to blame them when they feel embarrassed about wanting out of a situation. Many teens will cave in under peer pressure because they don’t have an alibi. Give them one in advance. For example, tell your kids: “If you’re tired and want to go home, or are uncomfortable about a situation you are in, explain to your friends that I am being difficult and am insisting that you come home immediately.”

As someone who’s parenting teens, until you get to use the words ‘young adult’ with your child, they are officially teens and are guaranteed to still be ‘under construction’ in the brain development department.

Assume the responsibility of bridging that gap and being the missing piece. Not ALL the pieces; just the one that is not able to make the connection in a time of need.

Your thoughts on this teen dating advice?

 Mama j